Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

The Poison Inside by ~ChronoMCC:iconChronoMCC:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


There was a burning pain in me,
a poison in the soul, a mote;
a dust and singing vanity.
A long and bitter note.

Of pain and longing, I did know,
a strange and twisting agony.
A fire into which I must plunge,
a furnace for my sins to burn away.

To Nothing, perhaps, fade away.
A savior on this dying day,
salvation from such sweet decay.
The final chord, unleashed, unbound,
the soul once lost; must now be found.
©2005-2009 ~ChronoMCC
:iconchronomcc:

Author's Comments

A burning pain and apathy that scours the heart to set you free.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconpanyd:
~panyd Feb 10, 2005, 5:16:05 AM
*glares*

--
"Im sorry miss, but you're fired"
"Why?"
"For having unprotected sex with company oranges"

~written-from-within
:iconchronomcc:
~ChronoMCC Feb 10, 2005, 10:23:10 AM
heehee;
RHYME!!!!!

--
As I stand shoulder to shoulder with my battle brothers, I am forced to wonder; Who can I trust? I am being asked to fight men who I once called comrade. I ask myself; what manner of ruin will befall us next?
:iconpanyd:
~panyd Feb 10, 2005, 10:52:32 AM
NO! MY KRYPTONITE! *dies horrible* Curse thee Chronos!

--
"Im sorry miss, but you're fired"
"Why?"
"For having unprotected sex with company oranges"

~written-from-within
:iconreikitten:
~ReiKitten Feb 10, 2005, 8:53:50 PM
wow that poem is deep. nice job :D

--
We just need to know one thing. Have you ever appeared in any pornos?!
:iconandrina:
~Andrina Feb 11, 2005, 9:21:53 AM
It rhymes! :hug:

--
There's so much left to learn, and no-one left to fight...
:iconthe-beastie:
~the-beastie Mar 4, 2005, 1:52:59 AM
Excellent rhyming and structure; not too forced, and it flows well. Since I can't find one section of the poem I particularly like, I think I'll go through the whole thing. ^^ Sorry if I bore you...

"There was a burning pain in me,
a poison in the soul, a mote;
a dust and singing vanity.
A long and bitter note."

This first stanza is an excellent opening to the poem - with superb diction and imagery it forced the reader to sit down and READ. Forcefull and powerfully composed. That last line had me drooling and desperate for more - and you didn't disappoint me...

"Of pain and longing, I did know,
a strange and twisting agony.
A fire into which I must plunge,
a furnace for my sins to burn away."

And as the tone changes the reader is still swept up in the "twisting agony" of the piece. The rhyming is still wonderful and not too forceful.

"To Nothing, perhaps, fade away.
A savior on this dying day,
salvation from such sweet decay.
The final chord, unleashed, unbound,
the soul once lost; must now be found."

:w00t: A rhyming couplet! You just perfected your poem! The caesuras here create an excellent effect by slowing the pace of the poem and bringing it to a definite, quiet close. Very well done - best poem I've read all day. :)
Previous PageNext Page

Details

February 10, 2005
595 bytes

Statistics

6
1 [who?]
61 (0 today)
13 (0 today)

Share

Link
Thumb

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy